montreal might eat its young, but montreal won't break us down

so last night i finally finished applying to college. this process is very weird because it feels like i'm just doing all this tedious bookwork for nothing. i wrote three different essays and about 15 small essays for this and until I start getting accepted it feels like it's all for nothing. but it does leave me a ton of free time...the perks of being a senior. hopefully I start doing something creative/productive with my time. i think i'm going to get a sewing machine for christmas so I can start sewing again, I haven't done it since fashion in 9th grade and i really miss it. i'm feeling really sassy today but it was one of those nice gray-skied winter days. Well almost winter. honestly i really dislike 85% of winter so i have no idea why i applied to schools in the northeast. i mean, i could very likely end up at ithaca. IT IS SO GOD DAMN COLD THERE. i need mittens and sweaters galore.
right now i'm having a mini crisis (they happen every few weeks). i feel drained of substance, like a shell of who i am. i'm also really anxious to grow up. I spend most of my time holed up in my room and have even started to go out less. sometimes I just wish I could skip the rest of the year/the next four years and be living alone (in the city ideally). I guess it's just some independence crisis i'm having since i'm thisclose to being on my own. i need to do a medieval timez (not like the restaurant) project and try to find some bootleg twilight online. i need rpatz in all his raybanned glory....yes i am a teenage girl.


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