why do i feel like i'm missing something with college?


the start of something

tomorrow i'm starting over. tomorrow i'm leaving everything i built in my purple and fuschia room, abandoning old clothes and the writing inside the closet. i'm starting a life without my parents, without my friends, without my boyfriend, without true stability. but for some reason i can't weep and cry like i thought i would. my best friend just posted a blog entry featuring an array of pictures of our friends and each other and our town and the world. looking over it, i can't even believe how amazingly lucky i am to know the people i do and have grown up how i did. every boy and girl and friend and acquaintance i've met has shown me something new, helped me discover a different part of me, some more significant then others. every memory i have is something bright and shiny in my mind, and will carry me through the awkward moments i'm bound to have in the next couple months and will help me adjust to a new life. just because i'm changing the course of my life doesn't obliterate the past, it doesn't make me forget.
in the next few weeks, i can start to build up that person i've always wanted to be, the motivated one who create something beautiful through writing and has a constant craving for knowledge. i want to write stories, make movies, create pictures. just because i'm going to some huge state school doesn't make it impossible. i'm so excited for this i want to get to school already no matter how nervous it makes me.
tonight my best friend gave me excellent advice: go have adventures. the other day, i had an inebriated all girls sleepover where we laughed and drank mixed drinks and discussed how the single most amazing thing to happen to you is the fact you're alive. these two pieces of advice and the people that shared them with me make me feel safe and more than ready for life.



i'm going to college in four days....hopefully that'll restart some serious blogging since my life here has been written about since i was 12 and quite frankly, as nervous as i am to go, it'll be interesting to write about something completely new. in other news, it's my last day of being 17, and tomorrow i get to be a real person and drive with more than one person in my car! hopefully something happens tomorrow to help me remember the day as a good last birthday living at home.
back to packing...


i went to north carolina, became tan and sunburned, read an amazing book, reconnected with my best friend, and finally found what i had been looking for all summer.
more later...?