once i wanted to be the greatest

thanksgiving break always has bad connotations. every year, something goes wrong and fucks the whole thing up. luckily this was a good one involving too much wine and classy meals and being a high schooler. last night i went to a "themed" party and i surprisingly had fun. it was interesting to dress up like a "normal girl" (ha) and just enjoy being seventeen. i mean i really would never wear a crazy sequined dress but i guess it's a good investment for college. i talked to some girls i'm just getting closer with/my best friends and appreciated my grade (something i rarely do). i guess we'll see how the rest of this year pans out. i'm a little excited for it, this is really the last time i can be irresponsible and young and crazy.

- emily


just a thought

i feel like if someone creates something simple, whether it be a picture or a painting or anything, it's more beautiful than something i can create myself. is this something shared? one's perspective of themselves (?? grammar?) is intriguing...like everyone clearly sees themselves differently than anyone else sees them. i don't know why this came up in my mind now but i wish i knew what i was like to someone else. i need sleep and i applied to drexel.



montreal might eat its young, but montreal won't break us down

so last night i finally finished applying to college. this process is very weird because it feels like i'm just doing all this tedious bookwork for nothing. i wrote three different essays and about 15 small essays for this and until I start getting accepted it feels like it's all for nothing. but it does leave me a ton of free time...the perks of being a senior. hopefully I start doing something creative/productive with my time. i think i'm going to get a sewing machine for christmas so I can start sewing again, I haven't done it since fashion in 9th grade and i really miss it. i'm feeling really sassy today but it was one of those nice gray-skied winter days. Well almost winter. honestly i really dislike 85% of winter so i have no idea why i applied to schools in the northeast. i mean, i could very likely end up at ithaca. IT IS SO GOD DAMN COLD THERE. i need mittens and sweaters galore.
right now i'm having a mini crisis (they happen every few weeks). i feel drained of substance, like a shell of who i am. i'm also really anxious to grow up. I spend most of my time holed up in my room and have even started to go out less. sometimes I just wish I could skip the rest of the year/the next four years and be living alone (in the city ideally). I guess it's just some independence crisis i'm having since i'm thisclose to being on my own. i need to do a medieval timez (not like the restaurant) project and try to find some bootleg twilight online. i need rpatz in all his raybanned glory....yes i am a teenage girl.



"It's just, people have these romantic projections they put on everything. That's not based on any kind of reality. "


stop hey, what's that sound

so close. if this is won, i'll be ecstatic. and plus my republican dominated history class will be shut the fuck down.



i drove around for months and years and never went no place

i feel so weird lately. right now is one of the most crucial times of my life (applying to college) and i really can't get my act together. i have never been this unmotivated and i am known for my procrastinating but this is really fucking ridiculous. i just feel so blank. i'm not exactly sad but i'm not happy. i just go through the motions everyday and look forward to sleeping in my bed. that is really all i do, sleep and read twilight (okay a little funny i'm addicted! since i don't have a boyfriend any longer i need to live vicariously through another relationship). i know this is a transition period, that i'll get out of it eventually. i just wish it was now! everyone is coming home for thanksgiving soon. in less than a year i'll be settled into college. all this college stuff seems so worthless now, a tedious process that has nothing to show for until april. i don't even know where i want to go. ugh LIFE! too much for me right now.

anyway, i really wish i could dress like her every day.

instead i wear oversized modest mouse shirts that my ex boyfriend found at a golf course, bright blue AA cardigans, ripped leggings, and destroyed uggs to school. clearly, i am a class act.

i wish i was voting tomorrow.

et (for gossip girl's sake)