i feel like all the progress i made in terms of independence this summer is going away.
sometimes i hate college for throwing you into a place with only people your age for 3/4 out of the year.
i miss home. i miss everyone from home.
i do love school but something is missing lately- maybe it's not living near everyone, or feeling they have their own lives going on now and i need to have my own too.
from now on i won't be who i was last year. i have to do this on my own.


i feel:

definitely in quite the summer slump.
i'm losing the very few people i thought would be the ones that would always be there when i went to college.
i always want to be in bed.
my grandma is in the hospital.
it's sad how much i have to control myself so i don't act out to my family.

on the plus side.
my internship gave me an excellent summer...
along with a few people in montgomery that made me realize it wasn't so bad.
and the distance i thought would ruin my relationship won't really be there anymore.
maryland is going to be amazing this year.
i'm becoming more independent and growing into myself.


even if you're gone i'm going to find a way to make this summer amazing.
i deserve it.


i feel extra super ridiculously lonely today...
but not in a bad way.

i was so certain of myself and everything is changing now and maybe i'll leave here, maybe friends will change, maybe i'll relocate a few times,
but i can change things for myself and make things work they way i want them to.
lately i've felt like a shitty person but
last night it wasn't too cold and my mouth was sticky sweet with vodka and juice and
the stars were finally visible

and i could feel something big starting.