so basically i've felt pretty crazytown lately, trying to deal with some irrational insecurity and loneliness and the fact i'm stuck somewhere in between college and high school and don't know how to deal with the future. 
SOO i decided i need to get out of my little mid summer slump, and i had the idea to do one thing that makes me particularly happy each day and blog about it, since being reminded of something that makes me happy is usually a decent cure for my depression. i think i'll start tomorrow, and hopefully it won't be something i lose interest in because i srsly needed. 
on that note, i hope everyone has a lovely day. 

i feel so stuck, this lonliness is overwhelming.
i don't know what to do.


think of every town you've lived in

today you played life with my 3 and 6 year old cousins and my brother, my cousin asked you what room you lived in in the house and we laughed.
you brought me flowers that you got your campers to help pick at work.
you're making me truly understand love, and there's no way almost a thousand miles could break that. 


so in just a mere few weeks, i will be journeying to east hampton which, at the young age of seventeen, is kind of my favorite place to vacation. part of the reason is the location but the other part is the friends i go with, two of my closest friends from camp who i can go months without talking to but have never felt awkward with once. two girls that are barely similar to me, but i could tell absolutely anything and have some of my fondest memories with. one year, i think before my junior year, we went to the bay on a cloudy day and walked onto the floating girl scout camp dock and just laid out and talked and napped and it just felt absolutely perfect. picture example: 

yes, i am the one in the background looking ridiculous. this will be my fourth year going, and i can't wait to be on the immaculate beaches which are never too crowded and wandering the street to the market down the road (which i did once clad only in my underwear and a slightly longer shirt in an attempt to get smores fixings) and to the bay. it's not about partying and getting shitfaced, but about spending time with two people you love which includes making dinners, lying on the beach all day, and stargazing at night. the hamptons is always made out to be some extravagant place where you rub shoulders with starlets and rage at exclusive clubs (yes i read a lot of teen novels). whenever i mention to someone that i go there, i receive some comment about how rich my friend must be. in truth, we all sleep on one futon and only window shop at the high end boutiques that cover the main street in town. instead of going to exciting events, we prefer to mingle with the locals and make dinner for each other and watch movies and stay up all night on our last night there. if you look beyond the status of the place, it's all small, tree lined streets with gorgeous architecture and a beach that would beat the jersey shore any day. in truth, i've felt lately that i've had little inspiration and have been frustrated with my lack of creativity, rarely writing or collaging or creating anything. i'm hoping with my few days here i'll feel renewed, or at least want to write a short story (especially since i received a typewriter as a graduation gift from my boyfriend, probs one of the best gifts ever). i feel a little stuck right now but i'm sure it's just a summer slump due to excessive amounts of working two not so exciting jobs. but it's my last one before college, so i have to make the best of it. 



even though i promised to post...

so, this past week i was consumed with thoughts of orientation and actual orientation. for awhile i had been doubting my choice of the university of maryland, remembering my initial dislike of big schools (especially ones fervently obsessed with sports), only thinking of bros and frat parties and beer pong. i spent the whole week before getting stomaches at the thought of college, and riding an emotional rollercoaster. although initially, i did have a bout of "why am i here?", i realized by 1:30 today that i had made the right decision. while not everyone i  met was exactly like me, i met people who genuinely seemed interesting, and i reminded myself i was with only 200 of my future thousands of classmates. the campus is perfectly picturesque, and i imagined sunny days on the grass and admiring the beauty when winter first comes. i'm excited to immerse myself in such a diverse and vibrant community, especially one where i can truly pursue my future, plus i'll get to visit dc all the time. it was odd leaving, getting so used to the idea of actually living at this place. the idea of home is always extremely intriguing to me, how interchangeable it is but something that has so much weight and importance put on it. regardless, i am for the first time ready to start my next four years in college park.